Walk, Talk, and Connect

Source: NYTimes, Jun 2023

Research shows that it can be less stressful to talk to someone when you’re walking side by side, with minimal eye contact, than conversing face to face.

“When walking next to someone, a conversation becomes parallel play,” with each person “looking ahead yet connected by the exchange,” said Esther Perel, a couples therapist, author and host of the podcast “Where Should We Begin?”

Walking invites easy conversation because we’re often more relaxed and open to tangents, Parker explained. “And it’s really hard to check your phone incessantly when you’re on a walk with someone else,” she said. “You’ll trip.”

There’s no pressure to come up with thought-provoking questions — simply spending time together on a ramble, away from screens and obligations, builds bonds. But prompts can make a walk more fun. Perel, a master of getting people to open up, offered a few reliable ones (some from the upcoming version of her card game, “Where Should We Begin: A Game of Stories”) to engage people in more thought-provoking discussions:

• What’s a promise you wish you hadn’t broken?

• The trip that changed my life was …

• The thing that’s keeping me up at night is …

• If my younger self could see me today, they would say …

• My most unexpected friendship is with …

One of Parker’s favorite ways to begin a dialogue is to ask: “Have you ever had a nemesis? Why do you think they got so under your skin?”

“This often leads to passionate, quite hilarious conversation,” Parker said, adding that “it’s slightly transgressive, slightly naughty.”

Embrace the flow of conversation.

When we’re walking with another person, Parker said, the social norms around silence and talking tend to shift. “It’s OK to take a beat, which is its own kind of intimacy,” she said. “Some of the best and most random conversations often happen after long periods of silence.”