When is it Love?

Source: Medium, Aug 2018

How to know you LOVE them:

(1) You know because you decide
You don’t feel love. You DO it. It’s an act, not a feeling. It’s a moment by moment decision and re-commitment. You know because it’s deliberate and conscious.

(2) You know because you DO the act of loving

You invest. You exert effort.

You don’t knowingly do harm. You aren’t vengeful, petty, manipulative, or jealous. Their needs never seem irritating. You aren’t grabby with them, their time, or their affection in return. You are secure without demanding constant reassurance.

You prioritize their viewpoints. You learn their love language. You think in terms of their interests, not yours, and their needs are your own. You support them. You back them. You care and take care. You accept, and you allow.

(3) You know bc you do the act of loving even when you don’t want to

Because everyone thinks they’re in love when it’s clear skies and calm waters, but watch them when the storm hits.

You know because you love even when you’re pissed. It’s love if you don’t “fight;” you disagree.

You love if your objective is reaching an agreement, not picking a winner.

You love if you don’t get defensive, insecure, or manipulative. If you don’t keep score. If you don’t hold grudges. If you don’t “take back your love” as punishment.

You love if you seek to understand before being understood; listen and honor what they share — and you don’t double down with your own issues. If you act like you’re on the same team. You listen. You compromise. You apologize. You forgive.

You know because you love even when you’re hurt. Especially honoring and respecting their wants and needs even when they include “breaking up.”

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