Unrequited Love

Source: The Verge, Dec 2016

Falling for unavailable people is a very easy thing to do. Many of us do it, sometimes for most of our lives. The person may be emotionally or geographically unavailable, married or otherwise in a long-term monogamous relationship, gay or straight or simply not attracted to us, and so on.

falling for unavailable people is a way to avoid reality. This is especially tempting when our reality is, like yours, less than ideal. You live in a place where you have an extremely limited chance of meeting someone available to you.

my unrequited love has come from my own desire to avoid reality. Why? Because reality is hard and it’s not always fun. It’s easier to go after people who aren’t available so you can pine forever rather than admit you’re scared to be in a relationship or to commit to someone, or so the relationship can fail for reasons that you can blame on someone or something else. Longing for an unavailable person means you don’t have to get honest with yourself about why, deep down inside, you don’t think you deserve someone wonderful, or why you believe someone wonderful deserves a better partner than you could ever hope to be. It is much easier to believe someone else is perfect or at least perfect for you than to recognize and act on your own reality.

finding relationships of all sorts, friends or romantic and sexual partners is a messy business. It’s hard even for people who feel confident or who live in places where there are more options than you have.

Being a human is hard. It’s something you kind of have to work on every day.

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